time flies

it's been even longer since i updated than i thought. we went to the beach for a week from the 8th to the 15th, during which time i had no internet access. and then i had my first "real" doctor's appointment the monday after we got back. this is the 8-week appointment where they take your extensive history and you get to see the baby for the first time. it's a little 2-cm bean in this picture, and it continues to kick my ass.

i was feeling fairly OK up until the thursday at the beach, and then--well--since then it's been pretty icky most of the time. i am nauseated, but yet hungry about 85% of the time. i keep getting awful headaches that won't go away. i've been dreaming ver vivid, not-so-pleasant dreams, one of which is still creeping me out three days later. the baby on the other hand, seems to be doing everything it's supposed to. it's growing. it's taking over it's host body's resources. it's heart is beating a mile a minute. when they did the first ultrasound--i had a second one today--i knew i would hear the heartbeat, but i didn't realize i would actually be able to SEE it. it utterly freaked me out. i think it made the hippie become a little excited. kind of a role reversal from what i expected of us.

today's appointment was to talk about tests. so many options for tests. so many risks with so many tests. i have an appointment for a nuchal translucency test in 3 weeks--this is where they check the fluid in the baby's neck at the top of the spine--excess fluid can be an indicator of a chromosomal problem like down's or about 10k others. or not. this test has a high false positive rate and about a 90% chance of being accurate a ruling out problems if it's negative. cross your fingers for me that it's negative. if it's positive, then i have to make a decision about whether or not to do more invasive testing, which can cause problems as well as find them. blah. what i would do if my baby has some weird genetic problem has to be the hardest thing i have ever considered. would i terminate? keep it? i really do not know the answer, and that scares the living crap out of me. my gut feeling is that this baby is ok. i just want this first screen to agree with me so i can stop worrying about it.

today's appointment was with a new doctor for me--like most practices, the baby may or may not be delivered by my actual doctor, so they will have me meet with all 4 of them before it's over with. so far, i am 2 for 2--i liked today's guy just as much as my primary doctor. the guy i saw today will be doing the first test, too, so i am glad i have already met him.

so yeah--still pregnant. baby looking good so far. mother freaked out beyond measure and feeling like pure shredded ass. i'm at 9.5 weeks, and definitely ready to move on to trimester two, so i don't feel so awful all the time. this headache i have had for three solid days is also welcome to go away anytime.